


Skylit Eyes

by ThatDamnKennedyKid



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Assumptions, Character Study, Established Relationship, Exes, F/M, Female James T. Kirk, Jealousy, Past Relationship(s), Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-11-26 15:55:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18182651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatDamnKennedyKid/pseuds/ThatDamnKennedyKid
Summary: Nyota knew her back when she was just a punk sleeping her way around the Academy. She figured the irrational, cocky and dickish James "Jamie" Kirk would be the last woman she'd have to worry about Spock falling for.





	Skylit Eyes

Everyone in the Academy knew James Kirk was a whore. Rolling in with her bloody lip, messy blonde hair, leather jacket and newfound friend, both of whom reeked of booze, Nyota had seen them walk in together off the shuttle. 

Leonard McCoy cleaned up quickly, attending classes regularly and clean-shaven. She gained respect for the man, especially after overhearing his conversation with James about his ex-wife, soon-to-be estranged daughter and the pain the blindsiding divorce caused him. 

James, however, was just as much of a low-life whore as she first seemed. After walking in on her with Galia, she could barely stomach her disgust for the other woman. She didn't know how James - Leonard called her Jamie affectionately or Jim when he was irritated - continued to rise in their classes, excell where she otherwise should have failed. Perhaps her proactive open legs had something to do with it, but Nyota couldn't bring herself to think on James' level, nor debase the staff of the Academy in such a fashion. It also seemed double hypocritical once she started dating Professor Spock. 

She kept her venomous opinion of James to herself right up until the hearing for James' sabotage of the Kobayashi Maru. 

"I don't believe in no win scenarios." James said, her eyes narrowed and her body rigid. She faced down the assembled jury with a vengeance, daring them to challenge her. Nyota would later realize this was who she really was, passed all the superficial playgirl persona and false carefree attitude. But she couldn't bring herself to see it that way in the moment, getting only more irritated with her defensiveness of her wrongdoing. "There is always a way. If you can't find one, you have to invent one. The captain's job is to make ensure the success of the mission and the safety of their crew. And today, that's what I did."

When Spock had no rebuttal to that, standing opposite her on the witness stands, Nyota only trusted his judgements. He was the designer of the test - he knew best. She never considered that James might have shifted his world view, just enough to start the long process of trusting her judgement. 

In the mission that followed, from Pike's coma and paralysis to the destruction of Vulcan to abandoning James on an ice planet with the intent to die, Nyota didn't have time to think. She did what she knew how to as best as she did, even as her doubts about Spock's command grew. She still had a distinct distate for James, but leaving her behind with a parka and a sneer? That was downright cruel, likely a crime. 

She didn't foresee James' return, nor did she truly grasp how good of a captain James was until the whole ordeal was over. How, despite or because of her intense emotions, she was able to save them and kill Nero. She didn't notice the respect Spock begrudgingly gave her. 

In the years that followed, Spock and Kirk became the tag-team of the bridge, and she noticed Spock drifting from her. She tried to bring it up in private, but wound up shut down. In public, with Kirk - now officially their Captain with Pike as their Admiral - in the shuttle with them, she tried again. She did her best to ignore the way Kirk clammed up and tried to dissuade the ensuing argument. She didn't give any thoughts as to why. 

The subsequent disaster after disaster overrode everything else except Khan. Until Kirk died. 

Bones put out the call, let the crew know that Captain James Tiberius Kirk had died in the nuclear core, stopping the ship from killing them. It was Scotty, after Spock lost control, that told her what had happened. 

"I'm scared, Spock." Kirk had said, breathing her last through radiation poisoning. "Help me not be."

"I wasn't able to even look over." Scotty admitted, pale and miserable. "She died right there, pressed against the glass. We couldn't even retrieve her for hours. After the Commander's anger took over, McCoy came down and sat there, staring off into space with Carol. Nyota, I tell ya, it was the worst thing I've ever been present for. If it weren't for McCoy's miracle shot, it would haunt me every moment, not just my nightmares."

Spock was noticeably different after. Everything about him shifted. He was unsettled and restless. In the weeks between the defeat of Khan and Kirk's awakening, Spock paced their adjoined quarters, ran tests over and over and even called Ambassador Selik.

Nyota, waking from sleep, overheard one of these closely confidential and personal calls. 

"I'm in half without her."

The elder Vulcan nodded sagely. "Such as it is when your katra is ripped in half."

"She's . . ." Spock stopped, reaching to his side to cover his heart. "Is she?"

"My Jim was a man, and we met later in our lives. I was stubborn and resistant." Selik sighed. "I sealed the bond with him fourteen years later than I should have, but I lost him soon after. But I have met her, your Jamie. She's harder, more brittle than my Jim ever had a need to be."

"I can hardly sleep for worry of her." Spock admitted. 

"I feel it too. The grief took my heart when I felt her pass."

"A residual bond from the meld?"

"Their genders may be different, but our Kirks are the same."

"You sound fond of her."

"I have a preference for males, it's true." Selik sat back in his chair with a thoughtful expression. "But in the end, Jim is Jim even if she is Jamie. And I cannot help but find in my heart the same draw I have harboured for my bondmate even after his death."

"You have spoken to her."

"Our beginning was contentious, but we have remained in contact. I believe that is why she has become more tolerant of your questioning and challenging of her leadership."

It was Spock's turn to sit back, looking down at his lap, musing on past interaction. "If you have helped her deal with me, how best can I manage her?"

"She doesn't need managing." Selik said with a wistful smile. "I shared the truth of Nero with her in a meld, but her thoughts are unguarded and true. She grew up hard, ignored and dismissed by her loved ones. She has no family who would welcome her home. She's made hard because it is how she's taken seriously, but she takes no attachment seriously because she is so easily abandoned by partners and friends."

"What about Dr. McCoy?"

"Leonard was also broken when they met, but why she let him in is because he does not lie."

Spock made an offended noise. "Vulcans cannot lie."

"That is not what I mean." Selik shook his head. "Leonard is free with his opinions, affections, criticisms and helping hands. If she falls, he will catch her. He will tell her all the things she has done wrong, but she knows he will never stop loving her for her faults. She can admit weakness and not be berated for it. She can give and receive advice without consequence."

"But if you are correct and the other half of her katra is mine-"

"Leonard is the family she has never had." Selik explained. "You may possess half of her soul, but he fills the hole in her heart. If you cannot accept him, she will not accept you. They allow each other to love, knowing that the other will be there whether or not a romantic interest stays around."

"I see." Spock nodded. "What do I do if she never awakes?"

"I cannot say. I lived my years without Jim in darkness and will likely continue to do so until I die. I can never replace him, nor would I ever wish to try."

"I never wished to see her dead, even in my worst moments." He admitted. "And yet, she may never return."

"You must have faith, in her and in you. She always makes her way home, and she will only die when she feels it is justified." Selik gave a wry smile. "I speak from experience. But it is late. We must part."

Spock raised his hand in the Vulcan salute. "Good luck."

Selik grinned, entirely un-Vulcan. "To you as well."

Spock ended the transmission and she very quickly began to pretend to sleep. Spock did not rejoin her, instead leaving the room. 

She carried that conversation with her, nagging and dissecting until Kirk awoke in the medbay. 

Kirk didn't speak of her death to anyone, keeping up her jovial and firm appearances as though she'd only taken an over-long nap after a hard mission and was back in action. Leonard was the only one she offered sympathetic looks and hugs to, and he upped the ante on his complaining ratio, using the cutting words to bite back tears. 

"Captain, can I speak with you?"

"Yes, Lieutenant?" Kirk offered her a sweet smile. 

"In private?"

"Certainly. Spock, you've got the conn."

"Yes, Captain."

She led them to a small room used for conference calls and sat down. Kirk did the same, curious but expression held. 

"What can I do for you, Lieutenant?"

She cleared her throat, looking down at her hands. "In the Academy, my opinion of you was very poor. And it followed through Nero's attacks."

Kirk chuckled, as if this was just a humorous anecdote, not a degrading insult. "Yeah, I know."

"I assumed the worst about you and expected the worst from you."

"Seeing me with Galia didn't exactly help."

She swallowed again, trying to maintain composure. "I want to apologize for all of it. For my actions, my thoughts, and my assumptions."

"Well, that's very mature of you, Uhura, but there's nothing to forgive." Kirk's smile was practised. "I didn't show my best face and you didn't see it - not exactly banging rocks together. We work well together now. Let's focus on that."

She couldn't do anything aside from nod. What does one say to that? Kirk smiled, plastic, again and left the conference room. 

It would be a year or so later, on the sands of New Vulcan, when her hasty judgement would prove a liability. 

"He's rejected you." The Vulcan healer said plainly. "If you enter again, he will likely maim you. Possibly kill you."

"What's going on?" Kirk demanded as she walked up, dressed down from her uniform. 

"Spock had rejected his proposed bondmate in  _pon farr_." The healer reported. 

"Who's he asking for? Anybody?" Kirk questioned. 

 "You."

Kirk, along with Leonard behind her, looked taken aback. "Me?"

"Yes. He has called for Captain, Jim, Jamie and Kirk repeatedly since he forced Miss Uhura from the chamber."

Kirk looked back at Leonard, who's expression was pinched in worry, concern and fear. 

"It's not a good time." Leonard said. 

"I wouldn't imagine it is." Kirk's voice had taken on a decided gravity. "What do I have to do?"

"You?!" She interrupted. 

The healer carried on as though she wasn't even there. "To survive a pon farr, the male must repeatedly and successfully mate with a compatible mate. You would have to perform coitus with him until the blood fever has passed."

"And he'll die without that?"

"Certainly so."

Kirk sighed. 

"Let me try again, maybe-"

The healer stopped her firmly. "I cannot allow you back inside. He has rejected you."

"I'll go." Kirk said. 

"No." Leonard murmured in anguish. 

"No!" She snapped over top of him. "You might be my Captain, but he's my boyfriend-"

"I get it, okay?!" Kirk snapped back, raising her voice for the first time outside of combat. "You think I'm a whore and you don't want my filthy hands all over what's yours. But this is Spock's  _life_ in the balance here. Hate me all you want after he survives this."

When Kirk went inside Spock's chamber, that was the beginning of the end. 

Spock wasn't the same after that. He was more distant, withdrawn and distracted. It took him three months to finally tell her their relationship was over. It took another three months and a detour by the med bay for her to garner the full picture. 

"Spock, I'm not doing this. I'm not going to be your Uhura rebound or a side warmer."

"I have been unable to remove you from my mind since my time."

"I'm not a booty call. I did that to save you, to bring you back to the woman you actually love."

"You don't understand, Jamie. You are my t'hy'la, the other half of my katra."

"Soulmates don't exist, if that's what you're trying to sell me."

"I believe it is possible to be in a successful romantic partnership with you and I wish to attempt it."

Kirk huffed. "You're unbelievable. No, and that's final."

She walked out, brisk and clearly irritated. The two women stopped and looked at each other, then Kirk scowled. 

"Maybe you can talk some sense into him, Uhura. Lord knows I'm not going to be able to."

Kirk walked around her, golden hair flicking against her back as she strode away. Gingerly, she opened the door and found Spock standing there, watching after where Kirk had gone. 

"I assume you overheard our encounter." Spock said.

"Yes." 

"She doesn't understand. She's t'hy'la. I felt it during my pon farr." His eyes were glassy and distant. It made her uncomfortable to watch him replay the moment she lost her boyfriend to her Captain. "It is destiny."

"I can't help you, Spock." She smiled wanly at him. "I'm emotionally compromised."

He assessed her for a long moment. "Of course. Forgive me. That was very selfish and insensitive."

"It's . . . not seeing you in love that hurts. It's seeing you in love with someone else."

"It is seeing my infatuation with the Captain, specifically." He said, staring so intensely it was like he was looking though her. "I am also aware of her reputation and the various escapades she engaged in as a cadet."

"And . . . you're okay with that?"

Spock cocked his head. "Human sexuality requires exploration and embrace. On Vulcan, we were encouraged to find it through thought and seek emotional fulfillment before engaging in sexual congress in the event of a bond. I gather that for humans, it is not so simple. That she has embraced her sexuality and libido is not a fault, rather a mark of her curious and accepting nature."

She'd never considered it that way.

Leonard announced his presence with a rough cough. He was leaning against the door frame, arms crossed. "Hobgoblin, if you ever want anywhere near her, you should definitely write out that little speech, rehearse it and tell it to her. She's not coming anywhere near you otherwise."

"You endorse my pursuit?"

Leonard rolled his eyes. "Absolutely not. And you should be aware that her best friend is  _your_ primary physician. But her reservations don't come from not wanting you." He nodded over at her. "You have the loose ends, not her."

Spock nodded. "Thank you, Doctor. I will take your advice into consideration." 

Spock left quickly after that, which left her with Leonard. 

"I know what you think about Jamie." He said lowly, but without judgement. "She did sleep her way around the Academy. But there wasn't a damn thing she didn't earn. Repression is a hard thing to overcome."

"What do you mean?"

He shrugged. "She grew up in a small town in Iowa where her mother was distant, her brother left home and her step-fathers were aggressive or abusive. Not to mention the looming shadow of her father's heroism hanging over her head the entire time. I don't know what your life was like before the Academy, but try not to judge her too hard. She wanted to know what it meant to live before she threw herself into this cold deathtrap where she wouldn't be allowed a relationship with anyone other than her best friend and her Commander, who tried to get her expelled."

She had nothing to say to that. Leonard seemed to take it as acceptance and went back into his office, the door shutting with a soft  _click_. 

She went back to her room and considered everything she'd ever seen Kirk do, every person she'd ever held close. She thought about Galia, the way the two laughed and joked and kissed like the world might end any second. Kirk's entire attitude during their Academy days screamed a yearning for freedom - not from responsibility, but from chains. She wanted to be herself, for once, and let the world's poor opinion of her be damned. All the things such a devil-may-care attitude hinted about her were untrue. Kirk was responsible, caring and deeply and insatiably curious. She wanted to be everywhere and know everything. She was a genius and she loved her ship, her crew, their mission. There was nowhere she would rather be and it truly showed. There would be no way she'd be able to keep up an illusion this long if it weren't the bald truth. 

She flopped down on her bed and put on a cheesy romcom, recognizing more and more the hints of Kirk's true self as the hours dragged by.

* * *

She was walking the deck late in the night weeks later. She'd mostly come to terms with Spock's choice in partner. She might even understand Kirk better. 

She stopped at the edge of one of the rec rooms, one that had become a make-shift greenhouse. Dense plants and sweet-smelling flowers were more refreshing than any experience room, and it was a place a lot of the couples came to be together. She spotted Spock standing just around the bend of one of the flower beds and she crept closer, curious. 

Kirk was there with him, staring at him intensely. "Why didn't you tell me any of this before?"

"You did not give me the chance. I terminated my relationship with Lieutenant Uhura before I approached you. It is not a Vulcan custom to injure the ones one cares about. Despite our romance ending, I still do care deeply for her wellbeing and friendship. I was also aware of the shift in our relationship, and recalled the thoughts passed between us during pon farr. I have a deep respect and admiration for you, Captain. I believe a romantic relationship between us is not only possible, but necessary."

Kirk stared at him hard, as if she was trying to read his mind through his eyes. 

"Vulcans do not lie, Captain." He said it as if he felt the need to reassure her. 

"This isn't just going to be a thing, Spock. That's not how love works."

"I know you care for me. I felt it." He was sure. "And I care for you. You are my t'hy'la. I will follow where you lead, Captain, but I request that you at least attempt it."

She sighed, heavy and tired. "I'm not taking Uhura's place, and I'm not going to change just for you. Everything about me that irritates you isn't going away."

"I did not request you alter yourself. Rather, I wish for you to allow yourself the chance to be, as it were,  _pleasantly surprised._ "

That startled a laugh out of her. "Man, you really are something else." She ran a hand through her hair, her eyes a little brighter, her smile a little wider. "Well, kiss me and let's see where this goes."

Uhura stepped back, sneaking away just as Spock stepped up to her challenge.

* * *

She'd almost forgotten about what she'd seen. Spock and Kirk were just as normal on the bridge and she'd not seen them loitering together in common areas.

She was walking back from the exercise room when she spotted them, standing outside the Captain's door. Spock had her pressed to the wall, their hands wound tightly together. Their mouths were fused together and Spock looked lost in bliss. Kirk's knees looked like they were going to give out on her, but she just held onto him tighter. 

"Spock, c'mon, into my room. The crew will see."

He ignored her, taking her active mouth as an invitation to kiss up her neck. Her head thumped against the bulkhead, her eyes closed and expression dripping ecstacy. 

"Spock, baby, c'mon. We gotta get inside."

"You cannot blame me for wishing to indulge." Spock replied, kissing the side of her mouth. "My intended is a temptress."

She laughed breathlessly, slipping her hand out just long enough to put in her pin from memory, the door opening to their right. Kirk giggled, actually  _giggled_ , when Spock pulled her off the wall without letting her down and walked them through the door. 

She was startled out of her reverie by Sulu clapping her on the shoulder. 

"They're cute, right?" He chuckled. "Thinking they can hide how stupid in love they are."

"I guess so." She said, feeling actual warmth blooming inside her. She thought she might feel cold, maybe even angry. But Spock had never looked at her like that, and no one had ever made Kirk giggle. 

"It'll get easier as it goes. You'll just start feeling glad for them." Sulu pulled her after him. "Besides, Chekov told me Scotty thinks you're pretty."

She raised an eyebrow. "That so?"

"So I'm told." Sulu winked at her. "Plus, engineer. Good with his hands."

"Oh my God, Sulu."

 

 

 


End file.
